Kiss Kiss

26 May

5008809332_5b43dd6e0c_zWe menfolk are often accused of only interacting with womenfolk with one thing on our mind – sex.

Its a heavy burden which leaves every fresh encounter feeling a little like a guessing game. Just when is he going to proposition me? Does he actually mean anything he says? What excuse shall I use to leave? Well, that’s my understanding anyway, and so I spend most of my encounters with women trying to avoid saying anything at all nuanced with sex and being so nice and polite that on those occasions where a potential date was in the offering, I sacrifice myself to the friend zone. After which point, any sexual content either is dismissed with a laugh and an ‘Oh, Robert!’, or I find myself labelled some sort of deviant sex fiend.

While the concept of carnal congress isn’t exactly anathema, I find myself longing for something far less challenging – a simple kiss.

It has been, I realise, some four years since I last kissed someone new. I never really did the whole ‘kissing frogs’ thing when I was younger either, and so the humble kiss remains something I hold high. This particular man without a partner pines for a warm embrace and a locking of lips most of all. Moments of tenderness and passion and trust, and not loosing oneself completely to baser instincts.

But, as I’ve said before, I’m far too shy and lack confidence in my ability to read someone else when it comes to amatory endeavours with myself as object d’amour. There are times when I find myself drifting off into an urge to leap across the table, take the other person’s head in my hands and plant my lips firmly on theirs. But to do so would be a bold brave move which may result in a restraint going forward. What if they don’t wish the same thing? What if a kiss causes offence? What if I’ve spent too long building up to it and it now is not possible?

Admittedly I also find myself faced with this urge in unlikely situations. Often during really dull conversations with people I don’t particularly like. I find myself laughing at the prospect of throwing them off guard with a lip-lock. A kiss for dramatic effect rather than erotic fantasy.

Reality is, should I ever find myself on a date again, even if its going well. Come the end of the night, when these things are supposed to happen – or so I’m led to believe – chances are we won’t even hug, let along share a goodnight kiss. Why? Because I’m scared I’ve read it wrong. I know, what a silly sod I am. Unless its made clear that such an advance wouldn’t be unwelcome, it’ll probably never come to pass.


5 Responses to “Kiss Kiss”

  1. tenderlytina May 26, 2014 at 1:03 am #

    I often marvel at the convoluted way relationships work. All the game playing and second guessing have to be absolutely exhausting? I wonder what would happen if you just asked for a kiss right up front. Explain it just as you did here? I’ve had men ask for hugs explaining that they are simply in need of human touch with no strings attached. Of course around here hugs are a fairly common occurrence.

    • avalard May 26, 2014 at 1:28 am #

      Its probably safer to stay away from relationships than get caught up in the shenanigans.
      Asking for a kiss up front seems weird – not something I would ever think of doing. In some of the circles I socialise in, there’s a fair bit of kiss greetings, but that’s a different beast.
      The warmth of a friendly hug is delightful, and something I enjoy, but again that doesn’t always go far enough. Something more than a greeting is what is really lacking – and I can’t see any of my friends wanting to cuddle up on a sofa with me just for the craic.

  2. tenderlytina May 26, 2014 at 9:24 am #

    It’s definitely safer to stay away, but then, who wants to lead a safe life? Is there any real life in it? If I were having coffee with a man and he said to me what you wrote in the blog about wanting a real kiss, a human connection maybe not asking me directly, but just putting it out there for consideration. He would be very likely to get the kiss. I think sometimes we miss out on too much of life because we’re afraid. I guess culture can play a huge part in relationships though. I’m in the southern USA and around here people are a bit more expressive in general.

    • avalard May 26, 2014 at 8:31 pm #

      My own suspicion is that you would be in the minority with that stance with regard giving the kiss. Unless I actively survey at home, I’ll never know 😉

      • tenderlytina May 27, 2014 at 1:07 am #

        That’s true, you never know until you try. A survey might be a great idea. “Hello my name is ______________- and I’m doing a survey to discover how many women are compassionate to give a mind blowing kiss to a man in need with no strings attached.” You could get a clipboard and everything.

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